Step 1) Never ever exercise. Exercise releases those nasty endorphins.YUCK YUCK YUCK!!!
Step 2) Eat only Junk food. If you introduce even the slightest vegetable it may help you feel good, and we want to avoid that. So no vegetable or fruits. Pretty much if it came out of the ground, instead of a box or a cardboard container avoid it like the plague.
Step 3) Read only horrible romance novels and tabloid magazines. Any source of enlightenment may cause inspiration and that is definitely a No No!
Step 4) Be by yourself in a messy dark room. If you tidy or add light it may cause relief and as you know utter and complete despair takes work! In fact the bigger the laundry pile the better. Lets face it clutter = despair, so never throw or give anything away.
Step 5) Dwell on everything that has ever gone wrong in your life. That’s right remember when the bully in grade 3 stole your favourite purple crayon? So it was 25 years ago DO NOT let go of that pain.
Step 6) DO NOT answer the phone if some who loves you calls. They may try to cheer you up. In fact only answer the phone if you know for sure it is a telemarketer they can ruin anyones day.
Step 7)Never EVER take time out of your day to do something for yourself. If you even conceive of having fun it may cause you to smile and that would never do.
So follow these 7 simple steps and you will have a miserable life. I guarantee it!!